Hi, here I am!

Shy at my core.

Former control freak.

Recovering people-pleaser.

I've been privileged enough to have the time and space to examine the mixed bag of issues/conditions/characteristics/programming that puppet my everyday life.

Here's what I know, what I've come across so far...

Back in the Day

I am 1/2 Kenyan and 1/2 Tanzanian, which saves me from being ALL American. Growing up a foreign black girl, in the 80's, in white American suburbia, was a unique experience (duh). I was terribly shy. I didn’t dare open my mouth or do anything that made me stick out more than I already did.

I hated not knowing what was going to happen next. If I didn’t know or couldn’t predict, I didn’t try.

My child brain concluded I needed to take care of other’s needs to get them to like me. I spent so much time people please-ing, I didn’t know how to recognize my own wants and needs.

All the above boil down to fear; fear of humiliation, of the unknown, of not feeling worthy enough. Challenging these fears will be a lifelong process (says every therapist!). At least now, I see the little wins: my fear is NOT always at the wheel. Sometimes, I can even stuff that bad boy in the trunk.

How did I get Fear to loosen its grip, you ask??

Night & Day

There are still times in my life where I revert back to my shy self.

Yet, in other areas in my life, I am sublime. I am a present, confident and formidable force. Moving to Amsterdam 20 years ago was a huge catalyst to the version of me that roams the Earth today. With time and distance, I have been able to crunch the data of all my lived years. I've analysed and anguished and managed to pull a 180°.

Here are a few things that have helped me along the way: improvisation, community, therapy, stand-up, family & friends, understanding nutrition, moving to Amsterdam, play, storytelling, interacting with different cultures, laughing, volunteering, my sister’s wisdom & guidance.

From This Day Forward

My mission is to continue challenging myself to develop further and to encourage you, your team, your loved ones to do the same.